Broken or Blessing?

Last night in our midweek service, a sermon was preached that really pricked my heart. Brother Ed Loney preached out of Mark 6:31-44. This is one account of Jesus feeding the five-thousand. The entire sermon was great, but two statements that he made toward the end of the sermon really made me think. The first was, “The true blessing was not the blessing, but the breaking.” This was referring to verse 41, where Jesus blesses the five loaves and two fish, then breaks them. If Jesus had not broken the loaves to distribute them, those five-thousand men, not counting women and children, would not have been blessed with a meal.

               The second statement was “A refusal to be broken is a refusal to be blessed.” How many times have I begged God not to brake me? How many blessings have I missed because I was not willing to be broken? Even still, what blessings have I missed due to my incorrect response to being broken?

               God must have wanted to emphasize this theme of brokenness to me today as well. As I was driving home from work, a ladies’ program was broadcasting on the local Christian radio station. The woman that was speaking (I do not know her name) was speaking on suffering and brokenness. She stated that so many times our broken periods, the awful things that happen to us, are really God’s blessings in disguise. God breaks us because He loves us. She gave the example of her and her husband’s struggle with infertility. She could not understand why God would not allow her to bear a biological child. She then told a story of a little girl in China, who was born in deplorable conditions, unwanted and rejected by her biological parents. That little girl is now her daughter. If God had not caused both of them to be broken, they would not have the great blessing of being mother and daughter.

               So what blessings have I received from my brokenness? God broke me in 2010 when He allowed me to develop type 1 diabetes. Because of this diagnosis, my plans, dreams, hopes of going to Papua New Guinea as a missionary nurse/linguist were crushed. I was broken- more broken than I had ever been. My whole reason for existing had been taken from me. My blessings? Learning to trust God, even when He does not make sense to me. Being weak, having to rely on insulin to keep me alive, allows Christ to be strong through me and teaches me that I am nothing without Him. God broke me again at the beginning of this year when He allowed me to experience two miscarriages. I am still discovering the blessings from this brokenness. I feel some new brokenness each time I see a pregnancy announcement, a baby belly picture, a gender reveal. When I feel this brokenness, I have a choice. I can choose to focus on being broken, choose to focus on what I am missing, what has been taken away from me; or I can choose to focus on what I can gain by trusting God and allowing Him to lead and teach me through this brokenness.

               “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.”    -Psalm 34:18

A Story of Hannah

This is a paraphrase of the theme of 1 Samuel 1:1-20. I suggest reading this passage to really get the full story. Hannah was a real woman with real thoughts, feelings, and desires. Sometimes I get into the groove of thinking of Bible characters as just that- characters in a story. But they were as real as you and I. I hope you are reminded of this as you read this sketch of Hannah.

               Hannah had gone to worship the LORD with her husband and his other wife. Elkanah greatly loved her and treated her in the most loving and kind way, but he did not understand the deep longing for children that she had. He was perplexed and asked her if he was not good enough.

               The LORD had shut up her womb.

               Hannah was feeling bitter, discontent, and angry. The fact that she had been denied motherhood weighed heavily upon her. Her spirit was hardened.

               But she prayed. 

               She wept, great sobs. Her words could not even come out of her mouth. Only her lips moved. She prayed to the same LORD Who had shut up her womb, the same LORD Who had denied the gift of motherhood to her thus far. Jehovah Jireh, the same LORD Who promises to provide for our needs if we only trust Him.

               She was His handmaid, a willing servant. She poured out her soul. She poured out her great longing and desire to have a child. She prayed specifically for a baby boy that could be given back to the LORD to serve Him all his days.

               But this was not her greatest desire.

               Her greatest desire was to serve and glorify her LORD. She was His handmaid. She was promising to give back to Him the very thing that it seemed would fulfill her great aching desire to be a mother. That longing that caused her to weep, to struggle with anger, bitterness, and depression- THAT child could NOT fulfill this great longing.

               Only the LORD could fulfill so great a longing.

               Because Hannah realized this, the LORD remembered her and answered her prayer.

Purpose of This Blog- Establishing a Testimony

What is the purpose of this blog? And why does someone like me think that anyone may learn or be encouraged by anything I may write? And why the title, "Two Daisies and a Prayer"? In this first post, I'll explain the purpose and reasoning behind starting this blog.

• Purpose of This Blog- Leaving a Legacy of My Experience With God

For several months I have been thinking and praying about starting a blog. My husband and I have been through several trying experiences in the last 10+ months since our marriage. God has taught and is continuing to teach us many things about our relationship to Him and trusting Him no matter what. We have been talking about a way  in which we could encourage others by sharing what God has done for us. In a recent message, our pastor said something that really resonated with me. He was preaching in Psalm 78:1-11 about "The Greatest Debt I Owe." This passage is talking about teaching the next generation about the Lord that they might know the praises, strength, and wonderful works of God (vs. 4) Pastor focused on verse 5, "for he established a testimony..." and stated, "It is about leaving a Christian legacy of your own experience with God." I started asking myself, "Am I leaving a legacy of my experience with God? How am I influencing others?" So...after more prayer and encouragement from my husband, this blog was born. I hope that as I learn and grow in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I will be able to share and encourage you to join me in walking closer with Him.

• Why Me?

My God is amazing. He tends to call the most unqualified people to do great things for Him. Do I think that God is going to do something great with this blog? Well, that is my prayer. But the point is I am NOT great. If anything great comes of this, it will be GOD. He has given me this desire to write for Him. I love writing! But when it comes to technology, I am sorely lacking! I almost had a panic attack in college when I found out that I actually had to type my paper using a computer instead of pen and paper! God can use anyone to accomplish His purposes: He just needs a willing person who is sold out to Him. My prayer is that I can be one of those people sold out and used of God.

• Two Daisies and a Prayer

Daisies have always been my favorite flower. I have them decorating my house, in my flower garden, even my wedding bouquet was daisies. Since the daisy is my favorite flower, I decided to look up their meaning. I was astounded to find that many different meanings have been assigned to this beautiful flower, and no one seemed to agree on the truly traditional meaning. My favorite meanings assigned were simplicity, purity, and life. 
My husband and I have experienced two miscarriages in our just over ten months of marriage. God has comforted us, grown and stretched us, and taught us much through this experience. 
The two daisies are for our two little babies in heaven. And the prayer... originally was a reference to Hannah's prayer in 1 Samuel 1. (A post coming soon on my study of this prayer.) But now... the prayer is a prayer that we would continue to learn and grow in God's grace. A prayer that I could be used of God to help those who have gone through similar experiences. A prayer that I could encourage others to trust God completely with their lives no matter what the circumstances. A prayer that this testimony would be established to magnify my Savior Jesus Christ.

ABOUT ME

Hello! My name is Cassandra Caudle. I'm a simple country girl transplanted to the outskirts of the city of Knoxville, TN, who loves crafts, cooking, music, the great outdoors, and spending time with my hubby Nathan. I also love my Lord Jesus Christ and writing devotional thoughts and poems to glorify His Name. I was the oldest child in my family with five younger brothers.We were home-schooled and lived on the family farm. I am a Registered Nurse, but my heart belongs to teaching.  My life verse is Philippians 1:20, "According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death."